


Broken Heart Beats Again

by susieboo



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Lilita Morgan, Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Inspired By Tumblr, Jealous Carmilla, Jealousy, Laura and Carmilla Are Soulmates, Multiple Soulmates, Oneshot, POV Second Person, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-07 04:49:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6785875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/susieboo/pseuds/susieboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where no one ages past eighteen until they meet their soulmate, Carmilla's long since stopped searching for hers. She had one, once, but that was many years ago, and she didn't even get a chance to age to nineteen before she was ripped away. Now, she simply gets on with her life, renting an apartment with a nineteen year old named Laura Hollis...</p>
<p>[Hollstein. Everyone's a human but Carmilla's still immortal until she meets Laura. Mentions of past Carmell. Hollence is a thing for like... five minutes. No Danny bashing, I promise. Second person from Carmilla's POV. Fluff.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Heart Beats Again

You've been eighteen years old since 1698.

For every person that already knew their soulmate when they were eighteen and aged in "real time", as it's called, there's a person like you, who drifts across the earth for centuries, forever young and beautiful, searching for that special someone. Although you stopped searching a long time ago. You had perfection, once. Her name was Ell. You found her, many years ago, and suddenly, you thought that perhaps you wouldn't live forever after all. You found Ell and thought, _Oh, the rest of my life. There it is._

But that was almost two centuries ago. You didn't even get to be with her long enough to age a year. You got maybe three months of happiness before everything changed. That was before Mother had decided she didn't approve of who the gods had chosen for her daughter, her precious diamond. Ell, she said, was a gnat, not worthy to make you age past perfection. So she had to get rid of her. You tried to argue. You tried to beg, plead and bargain for Ell's life, but Mother wasn't having it. You'd see her way of thinking, she said, once Ell wasn't around anymore to distract you.

You never saw her way of thinking.

After Ell had died, you couldn't stand to be near Mother anymore. You could no longer look at her and see your mother. You only saw a monster, a monster that had doomed you to an eternity of walking the earth alone, ageless. A monster that didn't even know or care that she was a monster.

You've known ever since Ell died that there was no replacing her. There could never be another Ell. You'd found your soulmate, and now she was gone. You'll live forever, assuming you manage not to get yourself shot. You've never once heard of someone having more than one soulmate, so why should you be the exception? You aren't naive. You aren't optimistic.

You've resigned yourself to your fate, and now, you just want to get on with your life.

* * *

Your new roommate is a nineteen year old (an _actual_ nineteen year old, not a thirtysomething who only just started to age or something) named Laura Hollis. She, too, has not aged past her eighteenth birthday, though she could easily pass for sixteen if she wanted to.

"It'll be so great being roommates!" Laura beams as the two of you make your way up the stairs, boxes in hands. You're on the top floor of a ten-story building with no elevator, of course. "I've never lived away from home before!"

"I'm sure you'll be perfectly tolerable," you say, even though you're not actually sure. It's only her first day. You don't want to make her cry. ( _Yet_.)

The two of you share a small apartment in Silas, Canada. You spend your days working your abysmal job at the coffee shop while Laura goes to college. Within a month of living together, you and Laura Hollis have fallen into a pleasant routine. Not exciting, maybe, but pleasant. You two get home around the same time, you tossing your apron on the table and Laura settling down to start on her homework. She doesn't want to be disturbed while she's working, and you're only too happy to oblige. You lounge around, reading or listening to music while she sits at the table, scribbling and typing away. She's so diligent, even in classes that don't really deserve all her focus or effort. (You've tried to tell her that sociology is a bullshit subject that doesn't require or deserve any of her actual brainpower, but she laughed you off.) Then, when she finishes, or at dinner, whichever comes first, she looks up and says, "So, what do you want to get for dinner?"

"I don't care," you say, "you choose."

"I can't choose every night."

"I really don't care, cupcake."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

You have this exact conversation nearly every night. Tonight, Laura wants Chinese food. The regular shift workers at the local delivery place already know your order as soon as she calls in. Laura hangs up, saying, "It'll be about an hour," before sitting down on the floor, stretching. "God," she says, "school is killing me."

You chuckle. "That's what you get for working so hard. When I was your age, I never worked hard. Look how well I turned out."

Laura laughs, rolling her eyes. "You should give motivational speeches," she says. Then, comes the question you knew was coming. "How old are you, anyway?"

"Eighteen," you reply in your best smart-alecky voice.

"Oh, ha-ha. No, but seriously?"

You sigh. "Three hundred and thirty six."

Her jaw hits the floor. "Three hundred and--?"

"Thirty six."

" _Wow_." Her eyes are wide, staring at you where you sit on the armchair. "I mean--sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but--"

"Yeah, I know. There aren't that many people my age around anymore."

"No kidding." She doesn't say anything else, but you can tell she wants to ask. You decide to have pity on her and answer her unvoiced question.

"I do have a soulmate," you say. "She's just also dead. I'm not into necrophilia, so here I am."

Laura looks stunned, stunned that you actually told her what she wanted to know, and stunned at how straightforwardly you put it. You learned a long time ago it's best not to beat around the bush. People ask less questions that way.

People who aren't Laura, anyway.

"Wow. Um. God. Wow. I'm so sorry. How long ago--?"

"Well, she died when I was eighteen, so... you do the math."

"God," she says again. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say."

"So don't say anything."

"Yeah. Sorry. I just... sorry."

 She drops the subject then (thank God), but you can see more questions brimming behind her eyes. You don't answer any of them.

* * *

 

About three months after you move in with her, you meet Laura's father when he comes around for her birthday. You're struck by the fact that he doesn't look a day past eighteen. He could be mistaken for Laura's brother. In fact, according to Laura, he often is.

"He and my mom knew each other in high school," she explains, as she helps you with the dishes that night. "They got married straight away. It didn't take Mom too long to get pregnant. I was born about a year after they graduated."

"Oh," you say. "Did she pass away when you were an infant, then?"

Laura doesn't answer at first, not looking directly at you. You're about to apologize for trying to pry, when she says, "No. She's still alive. She, um... I don't really remember her, but... I sent her a letter, once. When I was about ten. I asked where she'd gone and if she'd ever come back."

You feel your heart sink into your stomach. "What'd she say?"

"She said... she said that one day, when I was four, she was at the breakfast table with me and Dad and... and she realized neither of them had aged a day. So she left. Left her husband, left her daughter, and started a new life. One without him, or... me."

What on Earth can you say to that? There's nothing you could say that could possibly make that okay. 

You don't say a word. You just reach a hand out for Laura, brushing against her fingers.

She looks up at you as your fingers touch her skin, visibly surprised. You like Laura, but you're not exactly "touchy feely." At least not with people you're not very close to. But, somehow, you feel closer to Laura now. Maybe you are.

Finally, you say, "Thank you for telling me this. I mean... I can't imagine it's easy to talk about."

"It's not, but... it's only fair. I mean, you told me about your soulmate, right?"

"Not much."

"Yeah, well..." Laura laughs a little bit. "I get the sense you're not really one to share. I'll take what I can get."

At that, you almost smile. "Wise choice."

* * *

The months go by, and a month turns into almost a year. You're still not sure you'd call yourself and Laura _friends_ , but you definitely tolerate her more than previous roommates you've had over the generations, and for you, that's huge. Still, you know you're not close enough to comment on Laura's choice of a date. So you don't.

Even though you'd really, really like to.

It's not that you think Danny (or "Xena," as you call her, usually in your head) is a bad person, exactly. Self-righteous and pushy, definitely, but she's not the sort of person you could honestly call _bad_. Even though you don't like her. Because you don't. There's just something about her that rubs you the wrong way, and it has from the very minute she first showed up at the apartment to pick Laura up on their first date. That was about two months ago, and you honestly didn't think she and Laura would last thing long. Hell, you didn't expect them to make it past one date.

Laura comes home from a date with Danny, smiling and practically glowing as she always is after spending time with her. You should be happy for her. You _know_ you should be happy for her. But instead, you stick to feeling grouchy and unusually irritable, even for you. You try not to look at her as she watches Danny go from out the window, like a goddamn twelve-year-old. You just keep your eyes glued to the same page you've pretended to read for the past two minutes. As you see Laura drift happily off to her room out of the corner of your eye, you feel your stomach twist into knots, a voice in your head repeating one word, over and over.

_Jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous._

You slam your book shut and try to reason with yourself:

  1. You are not jealous.
  2. You are not the sort of person to _get_ jealous.
  3. Even if you were jealous (which you're not - see point number one), it wouldn't matter because...
  4. Your soulmate has already come and gone, so clearly any feeling you would have for Laura (which you don't) would only be simple infatuation that you'd be over in a month.
  5. And besides, you and Laura would definitely kill each other if you ever dated.
  6. And besides, if you two _did_ date, what if you broke up? What _then_? Dating your roommate would be a bad, bad idea.
  7. And besides, you should be happy for Laura, and being jealous would just upset her.
  8. And besides, all of the above points are irrelevant, because _you are not jealous_.



On your way to your bedroom, you overhear Laura singing "Love Story" to herself while she gets ready for bed. You see red for a split second.

Okay, fine, maybe you're just the teeniest, tiniest, most insignificantly small amount jealous.

* * *

 

Laura's been with Xena for four months, and she's spending about half her nights at her place, now.

You try to tell yourself that this is great. You tell yourself that this way, half the time it's almost like living alone. You used to like living alone. Hell, you only got a roommate for financial reasons, not because you actually _wanted_ one. Not having Laura here is like all the financial benefits of having a roommate without having to deal with the actual roommate, right?

Wrong.

When Laura's not at home (because, dammit, the apartment you two share _is_ her home, so take _that_ , Xena), you still think about her an annoying amount. You notice every second she's not in the apartment. Things are quieter. Less energetic. The apartment feels a bit dead every time you're in it by yourself. And, as much as you hate to admit it, even to yourself, you've gotten so used to living with someone else that being alone in the apartment all night is starting to freak you out.

Over three hundred years, and bumps in the night still make you uneasy. What a world.

Tonight is shaping up to be another night when you have the apartment all to yourself, but right when you're about to make yourself some dinner, Laura comes home. You can tell right away she's been crying.

"Laura," you say, moving towards her. Her name seems to be the only word you're capable of saying.

Laura doesn't reply at first. She just walks right past you and into the kitchen, reaching into the cupboard for a box of cookies. She opens it and stuffs two in her mouth at once, before offering you the box. You shake your head, so she shrugs and eats another. Finally, after pouring herself some milk, she says something.

"Danny and I broke up."

Your heart gives a leap at that sentence, though you immediately feel bad about it. You are a horrible, horrible person.

"Oh," you say. "I'm - I'm sorry."

Laura sighs and shakes her head. "It's okay. I know you didn't like her."

"I never said I--"

"You didn't have to."

A horrible, _horrible_ person.

"That doesn't mean I'm happy you two have broken up," you lie. "Do you want to talk about it, or...?"

Laura looks away, before sinking to sit on the kitchen floor, still munching on cookies. You move to sit next to her, your back against the fridge. Laura looks straight ahead; you look at Laura. Finally, she says, "Danny wanted me to move in with her. I told her I wasn't ready, and she asked why not, and... things kinda got out of hand."

"'Out of hand,' like, there was a big fight?"

Laura shrugs. "I'm not sure I'd call it a _fight_. I mean, there was no shouting or anything. We just... realized maybe we weren't as suited for each other as we first thought." 

Well, that's vague. You feel bad for wanting to pry a bit more, but you have to admit, a little piece of you _really_ wants the details.

The two of you sit in silence for a minute after that, before Laura leans her head against your shoulder. You surprise yourself by not objecting. Indeed, you actually lift your arm to wrap around Laura, holding her to you. You glance down at her. She's stopped crying, but she still looks incredibly sad. Even though you are glad Xena's gone, you still feel bad for taking any pleasure in Laura's unhappiness. 

The longer you sit there with your arm around Laura, the more you think about doing something very, very stupid. Specifically, brushing Laura's hair out of her eyes and leaning down to kiss her, feeling her lips against yours...

As if on cue, Laura says, "When I told Danny I didn't want to move out of here, she said she felt uncomfortable with me living with you because she thinks you have a crush on me."

If you didn't hate Xena before, you definitely do now.

Mainly because she's right.

Laura keeps talking. "I told her it wasn't true, but she said, 'No, of course _you_ don't see it, but I do!'" She sighs, reaching for yet another cookie. "I told her we're just friends, but, well... I guess she had her mind made up to believe that you were some kind of threat to our relationship. And I said if she thought you were a threat, maybe the real problem was Danny not trusting me. She... didn't like that very much."

"So she dumped you?" you ask.

"No, I did the actual dumping, I guess." You very nearly smile. At least Xena didn't get the satisfaction of being the one to end things. "I think she saw my reasoning for why we had to break up, though. I... I tried not to hurt her feelings."

"I know you tried. You're too nice to _not_ try."

She actually laughs a little bit. "Thanks," she says. "...You don't mind that I'm still living here, right?"

You're surprised by the question, but you just smile and hug her a little tighter. "Of course I don't. If you left, who would buy the cupcakes?"

Laura laughs again. "Right." Then, she sighs and starts to get to her feet, putting the box of cookies on the counter. "I'm gonna go to bed. The sooner this day ends, the better."

"Okay," you say, standing up as well. "Good night, cupcake."

"Good night, Carm."

* * *

 

The next morning, you almost drop your glass when Laura says over breakfast, "I've been thinking about what Danny said last night, and... and I have to ask. Was she right? Do you have a crush on me?"

Once you recover, you say, "...Why do you ask?"

Nice save, Karnstein.

Laura sighs and shrugs. "I don't know. I just... I don't know. I felt like maybe I should ask. So we're on the same page."

You take a sip of your drink, mainly so you have an excuse not to talk. When you do speak again, you say, "I don't even know."

That appears to surprise her. "What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know!" you snap, suddenly annoyed.

"Jesus, forget I asked," Laura says, getting up and starting to clear her dishes away.

You groan and stand up as well, running a hand through your hair. Laura's headed for the door. "Wait," you say. "Cupcake - Laura, wait."

She turns around, but she doesn't say anything.

"Look," you say. "I do like you. But I'm not asking you out or to be my girlfriend, mainly because you just broke up with Danny."

You almost called her "Xena."

"Also because I already met my soulmate. Ell was _it_ for me. I don't know if I could ever feel the way I felt about Ell ever again. I just don't see the point of dating if you already know your soulmate's come and gone. So that's why I didn't say anything. Do you understand?"

Laura hesitates, then nods. "Yeah," she says quietly. "Yeah, I understand. Thanks for - for telling me."

"You're welcome." You're not even sure if you're being sarcastic or not.

"I have to be on campus today, so..." A lie you don't bother to call her on. "I'll see tonight, yeah?"

"Okay," you say, moving back to sit at the table again. "See you."

You watch as she gathers her things and goes. Even after Laura's left the apartment, the air is tense, a sense of awkwardness still lurking around you. You sigh and run a hand through your hair. You try to tell yourself that it's a good thing you told her. That Laura was right, it's best that you're both out on the same page. And at least now it's all out in the open, at least now you don't have to keep any secrets.

Somehow, you don't feel any better.

* * *

 

It's been about a month, and you and Laura haven't mentioned your little confession since. You two still seem to be on the same page, in that you both seem to agree it'd be best to never speak of it again. Ever. That's fine by you. You certainly have no intentions of bringing it up. You and Laura have gone back to almost normal. You say "almost," because even you know there's no normal after you tell your roommate you have a crush on her, but you have no intentions of ever even attempting to date her. Nothing about this normal. In any case, you'd be perfectly content to never speak of the conversation ever again.

Of course, Laura refuses to make things that simple for you.

The two of you are sitting on the couch, eating frozen dinners (nothing at the best cuisine, here at _Casa de Karnstein-Hollis_ ), when Laura says, "I've been thinking a lot about what you said. About how Ell was your one and only."

You say nothing. You're not sure you like where this is going. Laura, true to form, keeps talking.

"Do you really believe you'll never find another soulmate?" she asks quietly, so sincerely you feel obligated to give her an equally sincere answer, no matter how tempting it is to brush this off with a snide remark.

"...Ell was one of a kind, cupcake. I know everyone thinks that about their first love - especially the dead ones." You meant it as a joke, but Laura doesn't laugh. Neither do you. "...But, well... I just can't imagine there ever being another Ell, you know? I could never replace her. And it makes no sense to try and settle down with someone when I know they're not my soulmate. It wouldn't be fair to me, or to them."

Laura's quiet for a minute, before saying, "I don't think the universe would only give you one shot and meeting your soulmate. I think some people get more than one."

"And what makes you think the universe would be so charitable towards me?"

"Not letting you be happy just... wouldn't be fair."

You can't help but roll your eyes. "Last I checked, the universe wasn't in the business of being fair."

Laura sighs. "Yeah, true. But still. I wouldn't totally disregard the idea that maybe there's someone else out there. Maybe you haven't met them yet, but... you never know. You know?"

"...I guess," you say, though you're still unconvinced. 

Laura gets up to throw her trash away, pausing before she goes to say, "And I don't think finding a second soulmate would be _replacing_ Ell. That'd imply she could be duplicated, and I think you're right when you say she can't be. I think finding someone else would be... just finding someone _different_. Someone just as good as she was, but different."

"I don't know if there's anyone as good as she was," you say quietly.

"...You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to start over, Carm."

Those words echo and rattle around in your brain for a long, long time.

* * *

 

Your sister once said there are two important days in this world: the day you meet your soulmate, and the day you _realize_ you've met them.

One year, four months, two weeks, and three days after you first moved in with Laura, you're looking in the mirror when something hits you like a ton of bricks.

_You've aged._

You can't quite describe the difference, but it's there. You've aged.

Heart beating too quickly, ramming against your ribcage, you pull up a picture from two years ago on your phone for comparison. Your hands begin to shake. The differences are subtle, maybe even subtle enough that someone might say it's all in your imagination, but you know it's real. You're sure you're right. Since meeting Laura, you've aged. You can't explain how or why, but somehow, the universe decided to be fair. To let you be happy.

You stand there, staring at your own image, when you hear the door open as Laura arrives home.

"I'm here!" she calls. You rush out to meet her, phone still in hand, at a loss for words. "God, the day I've had - wait 'til I tell you what happened in bio--" She glances up at you, and notices your dumbstruck expression. "...What?"

You say nothing. You just keep staring at her. She was right. You're getting a second chance, and it's come in the form of Laura.

"Carmilla?"

Oh, the rest of your life. There it is.

Finally, you find your voice.

"Laura, I think I'm aging."

Laura stops in her tracks, then, her eyes widening. "...Are you sure?" she whispers.

You nod. "I'm sure. I can't explain it, but I - I've looked the same for three hundred years. And now I... I look different. And I think - no, I _know_ \- it's because I met you."

Laura drops her bag to the floor, moving towards you. "Carmilla, I... we're..." she stutters. "I mean--you and I... I always wondered, but I thought--after everything that happened, you'd--"

"Laura?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

And you kiss her. You haven't kissed anyone in an incredibly long time, but you kiss Laura like you've been doing it every day for years. Laura almost immediately responds, running her hands into your hair and kissing you back. The two of you stand there, locked in a seemingly eternal embrace for what feels like the forever you missed out on with Ell. Several lifetimes pass over the course of a minute, as you try to make up for lost time, kissing Laura again, and again, and again.

You love her. You love her so much.

Finally, the two of you pull away, Laura's cheeks adorably flushed as she tries to catch her breath.

"...So, you willing to give up your eternal youth and beauty for me?" she asks, breathless.

You laugh, before nodding and saying, "I've always thought I'd age gracefully."

* * *

 

Are things perfect? No. You and Laura have to navigate the landmines that are your sister and her father, not to mention find a better place to live, now that you know for sure you're both in it for the long haul. And just because someone's your soulmate doesn't mean you instantly understand everything about them, and the fact of the matter is, you and Laura Hollis are two very, very different people. In the first few months, you two argue a lot. Sometimes you feel like she's pulling away from you, or maybe you're pulling away from her. But you two always come back to each other at the end of the day, and every day, you feel like you know her a little better. You two learn from each other and slowly learn how to make things work. And the good times definitely outweigh the bad, which, in the end, is what really matters, at least as far as you're concerned.

So, no, things aren't perfect. But you and Laura haven't argued in weeks the day you two decide to rent your first house together. The two of you walk around the empty house, Laura babbling about where she'll put which piece of furniture, her hand in yours. You watch her, a smile on your face as you imagine the rest of your lives together. Because you've finally found her, and you know there _will_ be a rest of your life.

"So," she finally says, "do you want to rent this one?"

You nod. "Yeah. Yeah, it feels right. It feels like a good place for us to start."

"Our apartment doesn't count?" she asks, gently teasing.

"Oh, you know what I'll mean. We'll always have that shitty apartment, but I think it's time we start pretending we're adults."

"Pretending?"

"Well, I can't get _too_ unrealistic."

Laura laughs and rolls her eyes, before standing on tiptoe to kiss you. You wrap your arms around her, feeling at home wherever she is.

This isn't the end of the you and Laura story, of course.

No, the beauty of it is that it can finally _begin_.


End file.
